December 4, 2013
After going through a major life change, I have found myself at the cross roads of my existence. The pain and pangs of the past are so much further away when compared to the day I started this journey.
These words that I write, communicate all that lies in my “heavens” and as they take shape on this page, they enunciate my very thoughts, thoughts of finding my way home to me and settling there.
At this juncture in my journey, I find that having broken the chains that helped me move more freely, I am just beginning to see the self that lays hidden but also finding that I have many questions still about this evolving woman, who keeps unfolding.
Each day to this moment has taught me that I can no longer depend on what I have always done to merely survive and be satisfied, I see that I want more than just what seems to come natural to me, or what could be considered normal under these circumstances.
Within I feel a deep sense of longing to arrive fully in the skin I should be in, meeting the real me in living colour and not the programmed manufactured one. I want all the masks to fall away and only what is real and genuine to remain. All the things I was taught which were never me but became a part of my consciousness must be unlearnt and replaced with new thinking, habits and actions. I want to meet me, all of me.
I ask myself, so now that you are free, have you imagined what you would like your life to be and how to manifest into reality? These words float up to face me, who are you? Who do you want to be? What resonates with you? Are you happy?
Spirit inside me responds, don’t worry about scripted lines; just let your heart speak truly and deeply. ‘Shhhhh…’ listen while your inner voice is speaking.
In these moments, some answers are clear, some still need flesh, but they are 100 percent honest, at this stage of discovery. I am also learning that I don’t have to have it all figured out but I should lend as much effort, thought and energy to my pyramid, as I do with other important ventures in my life. I am worth it and deserve it. I repeat slowly this time, I am worth this, all of this and I deserve it.
So since I deserve it, I must make time for it, commit to it, the process of meeting me.
Standing at the cross roads means a path is still in front of you to be taken and where the steps will go, you decide. There can be No fear because thoughts become things.
Spirit speaks again; just trust in the optimistic feelings for your existence. Constantly count your blissings and be proud of how far you have come. Let your mind conceive the best possibilities then watch the opportunities open before you.
The greatest struggle at the cross roads is to get still, to be still so you can listen, so you can hear. Getting rid of the distractions, creating that balance, so essential to keeping yourself happy, connected and aligned. Life is so divinely complex yet so beautifully simple when taken moment by moment in quiet contemplation.
My mission now is to find my fire which will keep this locomotive moving in its intended direction. From the crown of my Head to the Soul of my feet, all things moving in unison knowing I-self, being I-self and not shape-shifting into someone else.
Everything is available and possible my spirit speaks again. So I listen and claim all the power and strength it gives me.
My challenge to myself: To rise not just to the occasions which will come, but to begin with a mental picture or vision of all the possible things of interest which come to my mind and are confirmed in my spirit, as the things that are for me; to never waver in the pursuit of self-love and self-acceptance in all times; and to listen, learn then act then repeat in cycles as much as needed to move forward into my destiny.
The expressions of these words sustain me. I release them and all they mean first to me, then to you who read and contemplate every line. I share knowing that in the gift of giving we also receive many blissings.