ONCE WASN'T ENOUGH

Once Wasn't Enough

by JaySmilez

Day by day I go by thinking that

I won't make the same mistake again,
constantly telling myself that it will work out, 

sadness must be my friend.
I allow myself to believe so much that it became a religion,
experiences so heartbreaking I never once visioned.


When I look back it is as if for those moments I was thrown out into space,
reminiscing on those feelings I never imagine myself in such place.
Giving so much but gets nothing back in return,
but still I continue to give having no concern,
about setting boundaries or limits,
but what does having a heart permits?


Is it inhumane to give your all when you give? 
Its like giving me life and telling me not to live.
I forget all conditions, compromising for me was always a must,
without timing myself I continue to pour my trust.
Dismissing all selfishness and thinking about the we and us.
Here it comes again without no warning,no break,
how much really can this heart of mine take?


Not remembering about what happened before I greet the next with a fresh mind,
should I have given myself some more time?
Trying that never made much of a difference, it slapped me in the face once again,
love dont love me and neither is it my friend.
The urges and the pain drove me deeper totally disconnecting me from myself,
thinking that time will heal I ran right into someone else.
Yearning for that feeling to belong,
sadness became so automatic losing the whole essence of being strong.


I lost my identity,didn't know who I was anymore,
all this time I never once considered this before.
Stuck in my imagination, lost my way,
my seemingly happiest moments consistently left me in dismay.  
I still haven't given up and I will not let this stop me from loving,
from trusting or taking risk,from learning and giving, pain will not stop me from living.


The essence of life is experiencing both good and bad,
creating good memories while erasing the sad ones I had.
Once wasn't enough but I still continue to try,
and if you were to ask me now I'd tell you that he is the guy.